THE TAPE
RAN OUT.
Whatever, the only problem is that the tape ran out. The raccoon continues. That position still before the beast.
The raccoon did not bite first. It simply took up more space than was available on the tape measure.
Body investigation: Researchers attempted to fold it in half. They were unsuccessful. Results pending.
Surprisingly normal: The raccoon continues to function as if nothing is particularly unusual about itself.
ONE RACCOON.
SEVERAL ROOMS.
The raccoon does not need to move to be in the kitchen. It is simply long enough to be in multiple places at once. This is not a superpower. It is just the raccoon.
Rooms it occupies: 3
Location of head: Kitchen counter
Location of tail: The living room, still
LOCAL WASTE
MANAGEMENT.
The long part stays on the street. The front part is in the bin. This is the garbage raccoon system and it is working exactly as intended.
Distance from tail to snack: ~6 ft
Contents found: fishbone, wrapper, ???
Status: actively managing
RECENTLY SEEN
EVERYWHERE.
The raccoon continues to appear. Local authorities have described it as "very long" and "still going."
Subway: 14 St – Union Sq
Grocery: Snacks aisle
Residential: Living room, kitchen
ANATOMY OF AN
ENGINEERING ERROR.
They added a copper pipe that was three times too narrow. Nobody caught it. This is the raccoon.
This model were a copper pipe. If this process animals efficiency of all thinning, bag.
HE HASN'T.
